?????????

Whats up. Its late and I am bored. Just finished watching Kobe lose to Dirk. I have alot on my mind latley, but i dont have anyone to talk with about it. My wife and i are not seeing I 2 I latley so it does no good to talk to her. For now on this is gonna be my vent station.....I am tired of dialysis. Its getting really taxing on my body and spirit. Im lucky that I have a great team of techs and nurses. But I could be dead. goodnight

kissing

as i sit here at 4:36 am, i am playing beautiful by christina aguleria. i start thinking of the last 10 years of my life. the people ive met, the ones ive lost. on july 24th will be my 11 year that i have been married to my beautiful wife. we have had our ups and downs as with ever marriage. we have two beautiful twin boys. i have a wonderful mother. i have great friends. but of all the things that i have, i no longer have my father. he died on june 10 2009 of cancer. i have really never cried about his death. you know a real cry, where you get snot bubbles in your noes. well that just happened to me about 5 min ago. you never know when a loved one is not gonna be here anymore. 10 years does not seem like a long time but it is when dealing with life. life is too short to not tell someone that you love them. i saw something today that made me a little upset. i saw that will smith kissed his own son on the lip, and people said that that was inappropriate..... you know whats inappropriate. is not showing your son how much you care about them. i have two little boys who i kiss them on the lips everyday to express to them how much i love them. i kissed my father on his lips every time we saw each other to express our love for each other. the last time that i saw my dad alive, i looked at him. he looked at me. we told each other that we loved each other and we kissed. as i am typing this i have tears running down my chest and christina playing in the background. that was the last picture that i have of him alive. the next morning i got the phone call that he had passed. i was sad, but i know that we expressed our love that we had for each other. and we sealed it with a kiss.

people

i always happen to run into people who seem to have it worse than me. i was talking to this lady tonight and within 5 min she seemed to tell me her whole life story. how her husband just go laid off his job. how she cant afford to go school shopping for her kids, and how she hates her job. i wanted to tell her look lady . my kidneys dont work, my father just died, and i havent had a job in a year and a half. but i didnt, and i let her keep telling me her problems. knowing damn well that i have problems of my own. oh well, i guess i got that from my momma or daddy. hell i got it from myself

music today

i was jamming the new ricky ross today and i thought. if i had a new album comming out would i mind if people were listening to it early? hmmmm. i guess with the poor quality of music comming out the last couple of years, a nigga gotta hear it to see if it worth buying or not. its not like the old days when you could go to turtles or mediaplay and hear it before you bought it. when someone is selling it on the corner for 3 dollars why not preview. if you like you buy if not save 12 dollars.